journal d'une transition

139

*3-1-1978, Auroville: I feel since about two days that part of my vital is rebelling against so much happiness and that it would be wiser not to insist on this aspect for some time! In a way I understand it, since equality, true equality, is more precious as a basis for progress than sheer happiness; also my body has to keep steady… … It’s interesting that the most dissatisfied people around here, who grumble the most about the Kitchen and the lack of joy and community life, are the ones who don’t participate and yet demand total freedom…! Today again Dadu was all alone for the cooking, and yet everybody does come to eat! *4-1-1978, Auroville: I went at 8 am to Matrimandir. Patricia soon came with the news: Satprem and Sujata are back! I felt so happy I would have jumped around all morning like a child, and so did Patricia… What happened is that they had gone to the mountains and were staying there, all alone, not knowing what to do next; they had told absolutely no one where they were going. But suddenly a man came to them with a letter from the Ashram Trustees saying that they were expelled from the Ashram! They could not accept it; they went to Delhi and fetched R.T. there and flew back at once, arrived in the night and found the house at “Nandanam” all locked-up with new locks; they called some of us in “Aspiration” to come and break the locks… So it is starting… and we now shall be together…! R.T returned and we were told it was not necessary for us to go to “Nandanam” for a night shift; that things had calmed down… I feel it is not very good or balanced that only the people of “Aspiration” take position; other parts of Auroville should have to come into it. Satprem’s fight is our fight, the work You are doing in him must be welcomed here in our midst, in the body of Auroville… It is very strong in me that it is almost a danger for Auroville that only “Aspiration” should be involved with Satprem now; but I have to trust that the opportunity will be given to share and reach a true balance…

*6-1-1978, Auroville: We read this article by Udar on “soil-less cultivation”… I wish that all these possibilities are taken up here and everywhere and we all come out of this damned hypnotism to suffering, effort and death!

*7-1-1978, Auroville: We have finished the main carpentry work… It worries me that, as we are about to receive here the marble for Matrimandir, the purest, whitest, most precious marble, we are not united about it, we do not understand and many of us, like in “Aspiration”, look down on it, despise it… D.D. came; as she has vertigo, I chose to help her up so she could take her photographs… I notice that with certain people I appear to become a little sad, while with others I’m able to express unreservedly the joy that is within… funny!