journal d'une transition

131

You, I felt it was possible, and I started to understand what sort of change was needed in me, and it made me learn something… Then it slowly ceased.

*12-10-1977, Auroville: At 8.30 am the bus came and took more than 70 of us to the Court… even Cyril wanted to come! It seems that another list has been drawn of either 10 or 25 of us who must leave India…

*16-10-1977, Auroville: A rock in the head, I kept in bed all day…

In the evening P.V comes asking whether I know what Nolini seems to have declared today, that “You have left the terrestrial plane and the Work is postponed indefinitely…”… My first reaction was to laugh… Then it gave me the feeling that this is the last attempt to block, before Your Centenary, the door or passage You have left between You and here, and it led me back into that certitude, which I’ve had for quite some time, that we absolutely must remain here, in Auroville, whatever happens, keep the ground, with our faith in You. We must not accept, under whatever guise it may come to us, the suggestion to leave. We must be faithful, in spite of everything, even if we have to pass through the darkness of obscurity here; this is our commitment to You; this is the only thing we can do, offer to You, Since You are the One who acts and works; but his much we MUST DO…

*21-10-1977, Auroville: I have no need, no cry, and no call. I am null. And yet…

*22-10-77, Auroville: I was wondering if I should not rather leave, return to Europe, since being here

without aspiration at all equates to a lie, doesn’t it? I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I don’t know…

*25-10-1977, Auroville: Before 8 am I went to Matrimandir, first to sweep the rainwater from the slab. R.O. came and we waited for the others; he told me that Patricia might not come, that she’d said she didn’t feel like going on when there is no collective effort and the responsibility lies always on the same few people… I gave me a shock and I meditated on it hard… Is it not this kind of reasoning and attitude, very much in favour in Auroville now, which comes straight from death? If You’d had this attitude, it is long since You’d have left men and the earth to their own crookedness and mediocrity... It’s like a great cry in me, we’re going wrong here; we do not help You! Then a sort of will settles in me: it’s too bad if we do not collaborate, even when You have created the ideal conditions for a progressive and positive effort, it’s too bad if we only seek opposition, difficulties, tension, refusal and conflict…; but there are beings for whom the divine reality is concrete, who know that the true world and the conscious beings who belong to it WANT to manifest on earth and WILL manifest, whatever is the resistance to it…