journal d'une transition

123

*25-5-1977, Auroville: Concreting of the next section of the South West wall. We work till 5.45 pm. Half- way through, black clouds gathered again; on my way back here, walking and looking up at the sky, feeling the earth breathing, I had at once a feeling and an image of You, Sri Aurobindo – Your body, Your Consciousness from within the sky holding out Your golden Symbol towards us, so gently… I remember when I was a child and had this feeling of a Consciousness and a Face at times… was it you? … Difficult dinner, I suffer from the noise and loudness people choose; by nature I’m foreign to this need most people seem to have to be crude and loud, and I always feel it as violence and an insult to the truth of things… But here it makes me so sad, as in front of some mystery I cannot understand: why here? *26-5-1977, Auroville: I borrowed Krishna’s cycle to go to the “Pour Tous” meeting at “Douceur”… It lasted till about 11.45 am; a step forward, but also difficult, mostly because, I think, the majority are French and several parts of Auroville aren’t well represented. Shradhalu is very unclear; Savitra, although he says things one can only agree with, revolts me, like another sort of disguise… The French of “Aspiration” are “clear”, positive… Today both Auroculture and M.P. were asked to leave the community, while Jacqueline was asked to stop her relationship with Kiran: the matter of “Fidelity” was brought up by F. and Savitra; Alice and Navoditte’s case was also mentioned; the SAS has announced they would put the bus back on the road – a proof that, among us, they still hold ground! Finances are bad, not even enough to provide bread, and most of this week’ wages are likely to be withheld… There I can see my resistance coming up, if it means the regular work at “Sincerity” has to be stopped… But the choice is the truth of the Future, even if it has to break down all we have and are today; I feel this is perhaps the only way that the true thing may later manifest without being distorted… At lunch met Daniel, we fixed a time tomorrow to look at the work on the dams in the canyon… At 2.15 pm, went to Matrimandir: no one is there from the day-team except David S. and it is quite messy; later our night team comes up and we start working at the panels; I feel a bit depressed, seeing how little constancy and perseverance and discipline we seem to have and how easily we drop our work for You because we demand things from others… It’s not even that: I suffer each time I see that people stop coming to work at Matrimandir for some reason when it is, I feel, a most needed discipline, not to mention the thousand gifts it pours on us, for Auroville as a whole: that some of us at least are fully engaged in building Matrimandir… I don’t know how to say, it’s a most difficult period, and those who have an active mind are the most dangerous now… I pray, Mother, that You give us the quiet dedication and the selflessness needed to go on with the work. I don’t think there can be happier things in Auroville now than the moments, the hours spent on Matrimandir when we can work together. And that is a great force…! *31-5-1977, Auroville: Something is going on inside me about the general situation; something that has to do with equilibrium, progress of all the elements together, without moral or affective or material compromise, because a total sincerity must be there, on every point, without loosing one’s aspiration for the truth one can grasp or feel or unite to