journal d'une transition

121

be sincere, perhaps in a more childlike way, and to go deeper inside. I want to chase away every fear.

*12-2-1977, Auroville: Let the people feel important if they want! My path isn’t that; my “dharma” is to become, to change, a true change in the substance. Everything always shows me that You don’t want me to be in any position or to be in front of anything or to take any particular outer function. You just want me to offer my whole being to You, so that You can transform all the obscurity and give birth to Your true child. *12-3-1977, Auroville: Yesterday I have suddenly realised that all the pains and the difficulties and resistances and inertia and blockages I am experiencing since almost the beginning of this life are just the very pains that the evolutionary Force is experiencing, but individualized, limited, given a face and a name. And I opened the last Bulletin and found the words of Sri Aurobindo on the pains of evolution…! *8-4-1977, Auroville: We work until 10.30 pm, it’s alright, but my attitude is not good; I am bad- tempered, feel unsafe… This comes very strongly: I must not try to take anything for myself out of Your world; I may only receive with joy and gratitude whatever You give me and I may give myself more and more to You, in Your world. Your Grace always acts to make me remember what I am born for: tomorrow I’ll be 27. Please make me simple and true, turn me towards You. *14-5-1977, Auroville: … More and more I feel the only action, activity, situation wherein I am not given to death is when I am on Matrimandir. All the rest goes like a theft of life and possibility, a waste or a ruin, a blank, nonsense. Everything is ready it seems for the concreting: it went so fast, I don’t understand, I hope it’s true. It looks straight, like a necessity of Yours or one step of Your unknowable Rhythm. At 2.15 pm, go to Matrimandir, for the pouring of the next section of the South West wall. We finish at 6.15 pm. Still I feel this restlessness, impurity, opacity… After dinner J.C comes in to say: “Satprem is going away!”… I don’t accept this; we have to stand up. To-morrow I’ll go see the people, see what we can do… *15-5-1977, Auroville: Right after breakfast I start for “Sharnga”. My two ideas are: Satprem comes to Auroville, we guard him; people of “Aspiration” start making arrangements near the Centre… B.B tells me of his meeting with Satprem yesterday and how it was announced that he and Sujata would leave on the 17th and how Satprem said that everything was in Mother’s hands, he was surrendered, Her child, and that we were