journal d'une transition

120

*15-1-1977, Auroville: Is the life made to eat away days and nights at full speed and deliver at the end a worn body and a flame still so little? I must anchor my consciousness to the fire and never let anything come to make me forget that Fire is my stake and my only support if ever something in “me” must exist consciously… *18-1-1977, Auroville: Today S.R. asks me again to see for a “Sri Aurobindo Community House”, Golconde-type… The tourist bus for the first time stops at the circular road and the people walk up to Matrimandir; it is so much better! Hriday, physiotherapist, will start working with D.M.; Satprem has arranged it.

*21-1-1977, Auroville: Note from SSJ yesterday asking for an essay written by me for Auropublications; I feel funny, like in front of a snare for my vanity; how can one write without a reason within? But let it come if it must!

*25-1-1977, Auroville: As usual I feel myself as a double being, one who has desires and responds to the suggestions and the other who is transparent, simple, loving. What to do?

*1-2-1977, Auroville: Narad’s letter on the board. What’s all this about? Everything in us seems to be crooked, nothing is straightforward… I don’t know, the jungle is still thick; we haven’t yet reached Thy clearing!

*3-2-1977, Auroville: Some sadness is there, an outer expression of an inner withdrawal that makes me feel again the life and the people hurting, discordant, meaningless…

*5-2-1977, Auroville: Looking after Cyril is difficult, especially when others interfere with what they think should be our attitude with children. I don’t know, I have to get rid of an old person in me, to become bolder maybe, and to reject all fear and give more of myself to Thee!

*11-2-1977, Auroville: Now I do not try anymore to cover up or to control these sudden emotions or tensions that get hold of me in my relations with others; rather I let go and try to