with Sri Ganesh

- 07-01-10:

… I am struggling – wrestling actually – all the time, with the very same invisible energy which has made my physical consciousness fall prey to obsessive focus ever since I was a small kid. What is quite awesome and bewildering about it at this point is that there does not seem to have been any progress in some 55 years or so of this wrestling: whenever in the spiral of the sadhana I enter again this particular difficulty, it is as bad if not worse as it ever was…

And it feels so much worse when it lodges itself into an experience of genuine and proven love…

Over the years I have come to see it as my given share of the Contradiction, which intensifies as the consciousness grows until the actual movement of clearance is truly found and confirmed… But this too may be a delusion and it may well be that this “me” simply is unfit and there is no hope for this present formation…

… I find myself on a verge, at a point when I can truly say that I understand nothing.

I had accepted to leave everything when this last surgery took place – I was not satisfied to leave unfinished work and disorder, but I was willing to let go…

But now that I am back, I seem to be sucked into a negative, even though everything is given and

Sri Ganesh too is there And so magically, incredibly

Beautiful and lovely And welcoming and Responding – And today his gift Is of protection and Comprehending love,

In the living glow Of a life securely Embraced By The Lord…

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