with Sri Ganesh

however disgraceful a manner, for me to take my leave; Arjun was very simply and attentively willing to note down all the practical considerations required in such an event and, this done, I did feel quieter. During the past year or so, there had been the sense of a menace, of some impending wall, or fall, or termination. And this had been attended by a sort of near-constant impression of leading a useless life, a life now devoid of any meaningful purpose, a life abandoned by the Shakti, or deemed unfit. And here I was, now lying in a hospital bed, racked by pain in the middle of the body, neither able to move past it, or to withdraw from it, neither able to ignore or transcend and bear with it, nor to step within so as to prepare to leave gracefully and consciously. I was not pleased with my inner condition! At the same time I was very moved by the quality of affection and companionship extended to me and I couldn’t help but wonder how I deserved any of it…! I found myself very intolerant of the environment, of the carelessness and tamas prevailing, to the point of being maddened by it all and, in that context, the forbearance and quiet cheerfulness and tenderness and patience Dinesh was able to bring and sustain, along with Arjun and Selvam particularly, were all the more striking. Arjun managed to get hold of the top professor and chief surgeon, Vikram Kathe, who personally came to check my condition several times and eventually, on Saturday night, decided it was time to operate; there was no alternative, as the body would become too weak if we kept on waiting and hoping for a “natural” straightening… I was thus booked for surgery on Sunday noon. I told Vikram that I trusted him and would not accept anyone else, that he himself had to do it; he agreed, in a very fine way. By the time I was wheeled into the theater and given anesthesia, I had not slept nor taken any food for more than 3 days and nights but, strangely enough, when the 5 masked attendants welcomed me back to this reality and, stitched up, I was wheeled into the ICU past my friends who had been waiting in the corridor, I felt very energetic and ready for anything… This elation did not last, though…!

The surgery, which lasted for a little more than an hour, had been successful: Vikram had cut open the abdomen along the old scar and

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