with Sri Ganesh

writing and I will take care of it to return. I wish not to communicate with you directly as I feel too uneasy with your behavior with me from the past few weeks as you feel I am not as you want to be. Thanks. C. Manikandan” (These are his exact, unedited words) If mental dishonesty was not one of the greatest ills and stumbling- blocks on the road to progress and change, this letter would simply be outrageously comical; but then, who can be certain not to be mentally dishonest, not to misuse the mind to adorn and cover and legitimize one’s selfish motivations and lies: who, indeed, is secure from that…? Around the Two of You there has been so much of this and it has caused so much damage… And for Manikandan, with his capacities, his aspiration, discernment, experience, to come to such a flagrant self-justification is a sad thing… Yes, I am relieved that he has pulled away from this place – but it is not a progress, it is not a step forward. Only, given that this kind of betrayal, or reversal and misrepresentation has already occurred twice in the past between us and that both the times he actually returned and admitted to that very dishonesty, I may expect that it will work itself out this time as well. But I am worried for him, and also for what it means in terms of the action of the Force in him: this flaw in his nature has obviously been carried over from other previous lives but is also compounded by a bizarre imprint from his present family, as his father has always been double-minded and rather unreliable and his brother is quite deranged: why can’t it be acted upon more effectively? I laid his letter before Sri Ganesh and wrote the following reply: “Manikandan, You are of course free to draw the conclusion you find the most suitable. However I feel confident that, when the time comes to meet again, the perspectives, and the communication, will be more meaningful. Meanwhile, as you no longer use these premises, please redirect the newspaper delivery and return the keys, so that I can make other arrangements. Thank you for the flowers, Divakar” …These days I feel a pressing need to actively move ahead in the sadhana, to make a break from certain internal habits, from a kind of tamas and passive acceptance, and to reach for effective meaning…

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