journal d'une transition

875

to look a little beautiful; I chipped a wall while he cooked our dinner, we talked and read for his class; he said he was now ready to work in the evenings at Matrimandir with me, making the steel armature for the pillars…

*5-9-1989, Auroville: I took Shera down to Pondy this afternoon; I could sit a while at the Samadhi at last, and let all this misery melt away; and just then it rained and I was given a wonderful moment, alone there in Your dual Presence, with the flowers and the gentle rain; Shera too was very happy the whole time; we are fond of each other, it is simple and direct; later we joined Su and John H at the restaurant…

*6-9-1989, Auroville: Selvam and I worked till 7 pm at Matrimandir; we have begun assembling the steel structure, just the two of us, and we both liked it; we came here together to have dinner, then, and Su just went ahead of me for our night-watch duty…

*7-9-1989, Auroville: At Matrimandir today I met with Angad, about making glazed tiles here in Auroville, for the amphitheatre, or the Petals or even the sphere cladding. We quickly calculated that the cost would be prohibitive for the cladding of both the amphitheatre and the Petals; the surfaces are very large; it would be easier there to use natural stone. But we discovered that we’d had exactly the same wish, or dream, or vision, and hope, for the sphere: to have it entirely covered with small glazed tiles of light, varying shades and tones, blues and greens and golds and pinks and ambers; he has himself experimented with titanium dioxide which, according to the degree at which the clay is fired and to the natural chemical reactions, produces all these tints; he said he would send us samples in a week or two; this was a happy surprise for me: he had seen exactly the same thing, with a pattern of interspersed golden glass, translucent tiles so as to let light in and out… With this sort of cladding, Matrimandir would appear different at every moment, depending on the light and the time of day and the seasonal changes… I don’t know, but when Roger A comes next, I should need all Your help to work towards an agreement that will at last allow the structure to be covered with a noble and substantial material rather than with this fancy golden stuff… *8-9-1989, Auroville: There’s still that longing that hasn’t found its answer. But there are these moments of a happiness, of a delight in being close to, united to someone else, which I hadn’t known before. And he is learning to appreciate calm, and economy of energy, and commitment and transparency, and I see him really growing and blossoming; then he gets all scattered again, and I am thrown off-balance and we fight and argue, treading tedious ground, until it is alright again…

*10-9-1989, Auroville: I had sort of summoned N’s brother-in-law, M, to explain to him that I do not wish to support N’s wife and kids if she makes no effort at finding a job and look after the kids properly; M isn’t very bright; he stayed a very long time, telling me all he