journal d'une transition

836

*16-3-1989, Auroville: It is interesting to do several types of work in the course of one day. Now the daily rhythm seems to be: organise the day’ work at Janet’s; from 9 am to 1 pm at Matrimandir; a moment of rest and reading after lunch; back to Janet’s; work here late afternoon; evening, some drawing or painting, and asanas or a cycle ride… Today in the Chamber U didn’t come, but Yan offered to work with me; he is also a quiet fellow, able to concentrate and be simple about it… I am learning the tricks of this trade: marble-laying… *18-3-1989, Auroville: At such times when the physical mind is particularly energised, I have found that the only discipline I am able to practice more and more constantly in the waking state is to keep orienting it actively, turning it into an active meditation, making use of any element that comes in to perfect and elaborate its attunement to the consciousness above and within; it is a constructive practice; it requires no negative effort of rejection or struggle… … Today both U and Yan were there, and Agnes also asked to join, so we made a foursome, working from both ends of one row, and it went smoothly… It looks like I’m going to do this for some time; and if any breakthrough occurs regarding the outer structure – the extension of the four pillars for instance -, I can probably find my way to contribute there as well, I hope with Ramalingam’s team… … Douce Mère, make me grow; it’s like only now I am having a glimpse of the way, and I feel like a baby, wanting to walk and stumbling and rising again and loosing grip and finding Your hand, forgetting and remembering and taking a first run and crashing, and still trusting… with gratitude… *19-3-1989, Auroville: I have finished reading the true story and records of a number of women who were prisoners in the Japanese Camp of Sumatra, from the fall of Singapore till after the end of the war, and survived. To think that, just on the other shore of this small ocean, the Two of You were here, waging the great battle for the evolution upon earth…! … I have just prepared dinner for Su; there is a “problem” on the way…: it is hard for her to adapt her own needs to my semi-withdrawn way of life; and I have little interest in what all makes a “relationship”, to the extent that sometimes her energy can bore me to instant exhaustion; I must try to let her feel on what level there can be a basic sharing, or in what mode, but I don’t know… This may be mainly a matter of reliance: that she hasn’t yet learned to find her own centre…? *21-3-1989, Auroville: Krishna is back from Delhi. We found each other in town; he was just off the bus from the airport. The Moroccan people promised to send him a new passport within a month; he had to struggle through a strange of evasion on the part of the few men who were still posted in Delhi, isolated and with no real function since India has cut diplomatic ties with Morocco; they first pretended that they had no instructions concerning him, and he let them play it their way, until they turned to him in a different fashion and began to show some respect and wonder at his actual experience in and of India… On the whole, he isn’t too unhappy about it…