journal d'une transition

809

re-affirm our commitment to the Charter of Auroville, and to activate the true engine of the adventure, through which the true Force, the true Consciousness can act… But perhaps people here are too thick, or else they do not really want the Consciousness to act, preferring their own interests and what they consider as an “interesting” community life… I used to get depressed by this state of affairs; today I got more angry than depressed, and I tried to speak, twice… But it is always the same phenomenon: there is silence, like a shock; and then it shifts back to the ruts of routine, and the point made is diluted… *8-10-1988, Auroville: In the night, around 1 am, a huge storm rose. Several times the lightnings stroke so close that the houses shook, and one struck just between the two houses; every time this happens, I wonder how it works, and how for instance the heart gets affected by the jolts of electricity in the air, no matter how safe and calm one may be – what is the relationship between the charge in molecules and the emotions…? And today I got entangled in a couple of wrong movements; I clashed with Barbara this morning, who was whining and complaining, unable to let the house be completed at an harmonious pace; despite my repeated pleas and warnings she went on, and I quit… There was a mixture of anger and sadness, because I have wanted to make it as beautiful and offered as she would let me, but she kept spoiling the joy of it… … Reading the papers, I have felt again the distress and suffering of the Kurds, who are being coldly decimated by means of chemical warfare… One tends to avoid looking into it, because… what can one do? But this is so wrong: this is such a beautiful people, perhaps one of the very last upon earth to retain some of that natural integrity… It is all so wrong and so false… *10-10-1988, Auroville: Early this morning Barbara came. Her attitude had adjusted quite a bit and we could clarify the position so she would ask me to finish her house with her, and it was sweet. Larry too is now very sweet, and we are together choosing to continue with the work at “Ravena”, whatever are the obvious needs for it to function… Tomorrow I’ll go and purchase more wood… *12-10-1988, Auroville: Both Su and John H have come to keep me company at the night-watch. With John H it hasn’t been easy lately; perhaps I am too impatient: he keeps avoiding any commitment, in the sense of making choices, whether it concerns Matrimandir and the semi-paralysis around it, or friendships… *13-10-1988, Auroville: Returning to the work at “Ravena” after several days of absence, Jaïmurthy was very unhappy with the pull of the same old games between the workers there; I guess I am not good at this: I give too much freedom and respect to everyone, and most seem to merely misuse it, not knowing better…