journal d'une transition

751

intention of pushing it down on everybody, I have nothing else to propose, no masterly alternative design to present… But I feel certain that this particular design of theirs is not compatible with the very being of Matrimandir, and I find that Roger A is behaving like a pig, particularly towards Piero. It is quite ugly. So perhaps I shall post this letter in a few days; it will not be very conducive to my own tranquillity but, as no one else is saying it out loud, I can at least do that! I am used to being unwelcome! *25-9-1987, Auroville: This day has been crowded. It’s as if, by putting my attention on the Matrimandir issue and merely considering to contribute some action, I had entered back the area, or opened myself to it all… Late this morning, after “Ravena”, I went to Matrimandir for the concreting of the slab at the centre of the Chamber floor; I felt good to be there, and it was simple; there were no mundanities, no social talk and no visitors; just the guys who had been preparing and fixing the shuttering, and for once in a long time I felt at home there. Then I met Surya who told me of his research with Piero for the exact dimensions of the Sri Aurobindo’s symbols and their melting and casting, and of his other work with G.M’s team on the polyester model for Roger A. He asked my views. He was not rigid about his own preferences and he was open to another approach… … I met J.P this afternoon, always so eager for friendly contacts, who told me some very real and beautiful experiences he’s had, and of his difficulty meeting the suggestion that he must go back to France to get his eyes fixed… And there and then G.M drove by and stopped, and asked to spend a moment with me…! We came here, and spent about an hour talking, mostly about Matrimandir. I told him how I felt about his present action, and made my suggestions; he told me of the process he’d gone through and the reactions he had encountered… At least we were able to communicate and that made me happy. … I received a telegram from Su announcing her arrival date, on October 8, and just then Ar. came, in a state: she had already read it at the Kitchen! But somehow, as the Matrimandir issue was foremost on our minds, this got dissolved quickly; she showed me then a very tendentious text that had just appeared in the Auroville News including carefully edited quotes of Your Agenda and letters of Yours, and even of an old letter of Satprem to me (I don’t at all know how they could get their hands on it), all to the effect that Roger A was the unquestioned authority… This is the usual old, nauseous arguing that feeds on the trails left by the Avatar… *26-9-1987, Auroville: I have taken notes to form a work-basis for the search of a solution to the issue at Matrimandir, so that everyone can see the options clearly and contribute one’s experience, regardless of personal considerations. … Ar. told me after lunch that, at the morning meeting at Matrimandir, G.M had been his usual self again and suggested quietly that everyone should contribute to the finding of the right answer, opening up to dialogue… And that it had made a difference in the atmosphere there. She wanted to come down to Pondy with me; I cannot refuse her these days, as she is so scared of Su’s return, although she really tries to overcome it, I think… Over dinner she went over all my notes and she became enthusiastic, insisting I