journal d'une transition

709

There are times, though, when I am pulled by a more immediate need to be delivered from it all, so that this nastiness, this weird harassment, comes to a stop, and I am able to function among others just like anyone else… Picking from G.M’s mind I have realised that, for instance, my involvement with D.M and Janaka till their “deaths” has already been interpreted in the light of those formations about me; I had no chance yet to talk to him about it, but my first reaction was that it was so unfair…! Yet, it has happened, it happens, and there’s no point to complain about it, and I can’t change it by my own will and efforts either! So this too is Your Hammering! … Ar. made a little drama when she learned that I was going to Pondy with Su; I decided then not to go at all… When I went to Su to tell her about the change of program and the reason for it, she spoke words that suddenly lifted the whole weight from me; even physically I felt at once different; she said something very simple: she said that I should not let others use my own power over me. She was referring to something she had had to go through in herself, but these words acted like magic and I could look at things very differently: yes, I do not have to give people this power over me; it is as simple as that; I do not have to! *21-2-1987, Auroville: Among many other things I had an odd encounter with Krishna last night that was perhaps significant; the contradictions expressing themselves through him, coming from him, were directly linked to my finding, while watering the garden, asleep or simply resting on or in the ground, in the warm sun, lots of cobras, infant and adult cobras, and some of them very old and nearly buried in the earth; and there was no aggressiveness, only awareness… *22-2-1987, Auroville: Again these strange activities in the night, that are so difficult to translate, and have to do with the unity of all substance, and sound: for one being one note, or one tune or one sound, all over and all through, regardless of distances, of structures, of gaps… *23-2-1987, Auroville: I realise the harsh falsity of certain attitudes of mine, seeing them in the light of Your Incarnation, and the mechanism by which they in turn attract corresponding harshness and falsity from others; when it is given to me to see things that way, I feel grateful and relieved of a shadow… … I had at “Ravena” the visit of Roger A and Jacq with a whole group on a tour of the latest constructions in Auroville… It was an ugly, vulgar, superficial show! They hardly stayed half an hour, criticising everything, and went away as noisily as they’d come…

*Poem written on that day.

“Exuberant jubilance To the soul’s perfectness Matter’s imperfections are Often a delight