journal d'une transition

624

Your Work and his own action… I don’t know; I find that when one follows this sort of “impressions”, one soon finds oneself not only inhabited but also surrounded with varying degrees of adversity… And what’s the point of that? Practically and in effect, one has only the field of one’s daily experience to cultivate true discernment and evolve true reliance… *20-3-1986, Auroville: Many of the activities I remember having in my sleep are too complex and have like their own internal language and significance which do not translate into our metal terms; for instance last night, I was somehow made to see examples of disorders in the body – it began with a case of inflamed blood vessels and varicose -, and their collective healing through the communication of a convincing harmony on all the affected points, and there were like illustrations of the relationships between these points… *21-3-1986, Auroville: Last night I was involved in or identified with an ancient tragedy: it was the story of a woman, the last of a dynasty of puissant people who, betrayed by the strength in her blood, pushed her son’s life in a way he could not endure and realised her error only as he was about to die; then she brought him to “us”, so that he could die a reconciled and peaceful death, while she went away on her own and died a hard, terrible, solitary death… … I have today realised the obvious…! It is up to me: either I trust and accept that my inner being has shown me indeed the mantra I can use, the mantra which corresponds to my needs, and this mantra is effective, that is, it has the power to dislodge and illumine all the movements that are contrary to Your Presence, and I truly want You and my prayers, my aspiration and my call are sincere… or they are partial, wavering and uncertain and I better not ask for any such discipline… Because I have seen how little prepared I am to truly, really offer and let go…! *22-3-1986, Auroville: Ma condition individuelle, et depuis longtemps en fait, peut se résumer ainsi : un vide, où subsistent encore quelques attaches (qu’elles soient virtuelles ou actives ne fait qu’une différence minime) ; un vide, par conséquent, qui ne peut pas encore être un appel pur, et donc ne peut pas encore commencer de recevoir la vie nouvelle, ou la vraie conscience vivante… C’est tout. C’est ce manque de sincérité qui me garde comme emprisonné dans un « nulle part » malaisé, pauvre et inutile, une contradiction permanente de ce qui doit être… *23-3-1986, Auroville: I read again this passage of Your Agenda where You explain how You had reached the point – in 1963 -, where it became imperative to discard the sort of acute discernment that was mainly concerned with what must change, what is still part of the great Deformation, and to concentrate instead exclusively and actively and creatively on the vision of what must be… And I looked and wondered: I have not got the slightest notion, nor a single positive impression of what must be; and yet I can very well understand the