journal d'une transition

600

Piero, which put me in a great tension; it acted in my body like a tetanus thing, all my muscles ached from it, and I went back down and left… And this evening, when I related this experience to G.M, he told me that Piero has been talking very unpleasantly, for sometime now, about “Ravena”, and about my work there, with people around him, especially with Giov… And I understood, then: Piero’s jealousy and spite at not having been consulted as an architect and planner, etc… And it explained what I had felt yesterday, in Toine’s office: I had gone there with the plan of “Ravena” to discuss details of electrification with Toine, and Giov happened to be there too, and when he looked at the plan, I had felt soiled, and had regretted not to have had the reflex to protect it… This is this harsh, stony little mental ego that draws its energy from the Work, sucks it from the Fire in order to subsist and persist and impose a bit longer the rule of its shallow understanding and judgement… And the vulgarity of these attitudes, of these people… … Tency came this evening to bring me all the receipts, vouchers and statements for the bore-well; it has been good with him, to work as a team during those past two weeks, and he too is, I feel, happy about it… And this well has now proven to be one of the two best wells in the whole of Auroville, drawing not 16 but 50 thousands of litres an hour…! *5-12-1985, Auroville: E.B came to find me at “Ravena” this afternoon, in a miserable condition… It is a little frightening to see a person who has met You and received so much from You being now so closed, blocked to any and to all physical help and yet moving rapidly towards a sheer physical dead-end… At least that is how it appears to be… I refuse it; but I also cannot help; I am not capable of helping her, although she does seem to find some support, some security and a bit of sanity by being near to me from time to time… *8-12-1985, Auroville: Ar. wrote to me this morning; she is again in that state of frustration, obscure attachment, dependency, anger and fear, and I just don’t know how, or whether at all, to respond to it… In my experience, I have only known the pain of attachment when sexual desire was threading itself into it; yet there seems to be other types of attachment, as I must believe Ar. when she describes her states – and I set apart my experience regarding Auragni, which I do not think can be termed as mere affective attachment… *9-12-1985, Auroville: Tency told me this morning how it went for the new well at the Institute: Piero had refused to alter his plans in order to accommodate for Anurakta’s findings for the best location of this well; he had instead insisted that it must be done where he had decided, declaring that he had no confidence in “those methods”; and Tency had given up and gone along, and the boring crew had worked where Piero had wanted; and that now they had drilled down to 200 meters and still found no water, which means that they will now have to gamble and tap into the deep aquifer… Piero is so damn sure of his little rational mind and so set in his positions…