journal d'une transition

568

*2-7-1985, Auroville: Soaz related to me what she’s been told about me lately: that I am next on the list after Taï, and that I am generally responsible for the illnesses in Auroville, and in particular for the still birth of M.H’s baby last year…

*10-7-1985, Auroville: Ar. tells me that Namas has been diagnosed as having skin cancer.

*11-7-1985, Auroville: Ar. had gone to “Pour Tous” this morning, to deposit some money – she and I have been receiving and distributing the baskets for “Sincerity” for quite some time now -; she returned with the news that, while she was there, she had been handed a letter by Christine, which read: “We do not want to work for Divakar anymore.”… So there it is again. No more “Pour Tous” basket for me…! Somehow it still comes as a surprise! What is it that is working in them so constantly and so intensely? I don’t know! I myself tend to forget, and to concentrate on the daily experience, in all its aspects… Ar. now says she intends to bring it up at a general meeting, as this is the main Service being cut for me and such a step cannot be taken without a general agreement… The question rises again: should I leave, or must I fight? … This afternoon we started the foundation work for D.M’s house, and the workers were singing all the time…! *13-7-1985, Auroville: We hear today that there is to be no general meeting for at least two weeks; that the Executive Council is practically disbanded, as most of its members are in Delhi; and that Diane plans to take over the distribution Service in “Pour Tous”, replacing Christine who wishes to stop… There. … The usual throes. But then I put it all back in the Lord’s hands! I shall not interfere, but just watch and offer my ego-sense, and see the way You give me to walk on, wherever it may go… But my nerves are not improving… And today I heard another story about me: I am supposed to have possessed a Tamil lady and occultly manipulated her so that she would go and take Auragni away; she was discovered “in a trance” by MH and Michel near the “Aspiration” kitchen…! … And I found a snake inside the room here…! … I have been reading a novel on the situation in present day Lebanon: all these exclusivisms at play, this endless fragmentation, bloodier and bloodier, till… what? Till every human being alive on this earth must review their assumptions on each and every issue…? *14-7-1985, Auroville: Résultat apparent : Jossie, P et Ar. se retirent de « Pour Tous », c’est-à-dire que chacun ira désormais faire ses propres courses… Ar. veut mettre une note d’information sur le cahier du Messager… … Je trouve un second serpent dans la maison…