journal d'une transition

372

and there remains between us this sweet, frank and humorous relationship as a team…

*19-3-1981, Auroville: The relationship between Diane and me is drawing increasing antagonism… Shruti is strangely ill; Jean now denies Diane her “rights” to have her own movements; all her “friends” are upset with her and blame her… … We are late for the general meeting. This community is so fickle, so prone to reversals and splits and swings; now, perhaps due to Satprem’s last letter, the majority seems to be supporting our team and going heavy on Bhaga, while Fred, cleverly, just disappears before the topic comes up, when it was really he who brought the confusion… … We are weak under the pressure… Our monkey-ego flips and twists… *20-3-1981, Auroville: This morning I go to “Auromodel” to meet JM.B and hand him the money for Satprem and the Agenda; I stay with him for an hour or so and I like the contact; I feel a possibility of good friendship there… … Throughout our work today Diane is trying, semi-consciously I guess, to make it impossible between us, so that it wouldn’t be too difficult for her to break away from the intensity and depth of our experience together, and I let it be; I understand… … This evening, after long, C.E. comes; he stays with me; I let him direct our coming together, open to the sweetness of it… He left when I was fast asleep… … Diane isn’t going to Delhi, because of Shruti being sick; Arjun, Cl.A and K.T are going without her…

*21-3-1981, Auroville: Diane comes, feeling bad about her attitude yesterday; I tell her to let it be, to just let it be; we can work together, happily, and we shall see…

*23-3-1981, Bombay: Diane took me to the bus stand yesterday; I travelled first to Bangalore, then took the plane to Bombay, and settled in a palace…! I am spending in two days what it costs to build a hut in the village…! These are vain comparisons, I assume!

*24-3-1981, Bombay: Colette is so given and so lovely, and so happy…!

Bombay, this city: lives into lives after lives, millions of lives…: I experience it with the body; the mind is nearly inactive; and the experience seems to have no boundaries, only the limits of my endurance… … I call Cl.A in Delhi: the Case is again postponed, and there is the possibility of further delay and interference…

*27-3-1981, Auroville: