journal d'une transition

297

That has infuriated the SAS people who very much want the 144 sanction to be maintained as they hope it technically deprives us de facto of our “possession”… Both Navajata and Kishorilal have rushed to Madras… It appears that Prem and Piero are now of the opinion that we should accept the resumed presence of the carpenters rather than courting further application of 144… … We meet Udar near the Ashram, and he gives me the references for this soil-less cultivation method that seems to be so promising… … As we climb up the stairs inside “La Maison” for a late lunch, my eyes fall upon a young woman’s eyes: tranquil, beautiful and lovely… Throughout the meals, across the tables, our eyes keep returning to each other, with the hint of a smile… When she leaves, I get up and move to the balcony to watch her; she turns, raises her face up toward me and gives a simple wave of her hand and walks away… This encounter has touched me… … Lindy is there, with Schubert; she wants to talk to me, to try and convey what she was not able to express in the large meeting… She has, she says, a gift of clairvoyance, and she feels very concerned with the situation in and around Auroville, as she is able to “see” what many people are “doing” and being also often under attack for that very reason… I try and tell her how to get the proper distance so as to remain protected… I don’t know how I can say that, but she seems to be the happier for it…! …We finish our work quietly and ride back in the evening light and find everyone just dispersing, no decisions reached and another meeting scheduled for tomorrow morning… *11-3-1980, Auroville: At 9 am we all gather at Matrimandir. A police van is stationed near the Banyan tree. We all move into the room behind the office; Narad chairs. This is a difficult one… P.G and I are soon labelled as “extremists”; we are backed by many of the “Aspiration” people and quite a few here, but the “majority”, represented by Toine and, more subtly, by Andy, Bill S and Ruud, is opposed to our stand, and so is Piero… I feel this is a sickness that keeps us forming factions, opposing one another and, at the other end of the range, a kind of fog, a pretence at unity, a disregard for obvious distortions and half-lies… But there is no point in fighting, no point in trying to convince anyone… One can only observe, appreciate the balance of the moment, learn from it and keep quiet… … Back home with C, I put on Keith Jarrett’s music… and C weeps! From the intensity of all she has heard, felt and sensed these last days, and yet the harmony and beauty of the place… And later, in the evening, we walk together to Matrimandir, very close to each other…: such a gift for “mother and son”…! … The unease grows in me, the sense that this cannot be right. I try to formulate it as a question which I feel to put to Ruud and Bill S and John H; I write it on a piece of paper: “Do you really, sincerely believe that Mother Herself would put to us, as a condition to serve Her and Her Work, the acceptance of the physical presence of falsehood…?” But as I approach the Camp and enter that atmosphere, the answer already comes to me… that the carpenters are only human beings after all, just as we are… and that, yes indeed, You have put such conditions by allowing the contradictions to enter, for them to undergo the real Change… and so the only way open to us is to become so completely what we are meant to be, to do so sincerely what we are meant to do, that they will either be bound to change or they will want to leave… I felt, then, silly with my question…