journal d'une transition

272

-1980 -

*1-1-1980: I get up at 3 am and write my dreams. In one of them I have already lighted the fire, sweetly blundering at it with a few others, too late and too close to the trees… I put on some music to gently wake up V, go out and awaken my neighbours, start a fire at the Kitchen for those who will prepare the cocoa for everybody, go to Matrimandir and wake up Mangini to get paper and kerosene; while I wait for him, the moon slowly sinks between the raised arches of the structure… Later Ed and Mangini join me at the wood-pile and together we light the Fire; it starts large and fast, huge flames whooshing and whirling up into trails of coloured smoke… What I most wanted to offer to it was: self-consciousness; this self-regard that prevents genuine self-giving… The children soon come closer and now and then we throw more wood into the Fire. … Later we see the tractor rolling in, with P.G, Noh and Pas on it to distribute the breakfast to all… … D.W and Yus hand over to everyone copies of the new Matrimandir brochure – I am still upset that they have dismissed C.E’s drawings and chosen ones that I find much less interesting… … Most everyone has gone to sports events at “Aspiration”; I keep watch at Matrimandir. … To night we begin to listen to the tapes of the Agenda 4; the house is full, there is a good concentration, till 9 pm. Jacq, though, has a bad stomach, she is under stress: Roger A is arriving for a visit! She is so sweet and funny!