journal d'une transition

253

*22-10-1979, Auroville: We started the work earlier today, and agreed to hire 3 men as watchmen for the entire area, to be coordinated with our own watch-duties… … A small silly drama: V returns with her bags; C.E refuses to vacate her house, saying that this will teach her to know what se wants; P.G doesn’t welcome her either; she has lunch with me; she rests; she is aware of her own unclarity, that she must sort it out in herself before she can really choose to be in Auroville; but she is sober and poised as regards her bond to me. The obvious logic of the situation would seem to dictate that she can now return to live with me, and to some extent this appears to be guiding her… But I feel the need, more than anything, to be alone for a while… … Annappa wrote to me from his farm, a sad letter… *23-10-1979, Auroville: As the rain keeps the few of us in the office, bits of news are shared. There are warnings from AB Patel about the SAS’s intentions, in connection with some RSS fascist youth; there is the matter of Sj going out everyday to meet with the SAS people and getting circulars signed… … I walked down to “Toujours Mieux” this afternoon to pick up Jacq’s bike and met A.D who is here to see her daughter; she gave me news of Shradhalu: he has renounced his name and turned away from You; in her own face and eyes, there is a kind of fear and impoverishment… … I appreciate the solitude, in the self-contained harmony of the house; it is full and vibrant… But most contacts are uncomfortable… *26-10-1979, Auroville: We have not been able to collect the cement in Madras, as the SAS has written to the dealer not to issue cement to “those unauthorised foreigners who claim to represent Matrimandir”… This is sick, and evil…! P.G keeps reminding me that this is a war, we have these enemies and they treat us as such, it is only natural…! And I keep insisting, like a stubborn child, that we are not “against” anybody, we do not want to be anyone’s enemy; we are struggling, striving, fighting FOR You, for Your Life to manifest here…! But I can’t help feeling sometimes that these people are like zombies, with the obstinacy of malevolent suckers, fed with the worst distortions of Your Truth… I would want, then, to stamp them like bugs…! *27-10-1979, Auroville; J distracts us most of the morning with his projects on how to use the “Delta” wings he and G have brought with them, and telling us some of their experiences while they were gone. And G comes as well. And when our eyes meet, it is direct: it has never left me, it has never left him, this affection… *25-10-1979, Auroville: J and G have returned to Auroville, after three years. This morning J surprises me at work; it is near, it is open.