journal d'une transition

1411

special clinic in Ahmedabad. They had, without letting me know of it, prepared and arranged it all. The chief surgeon had declared that Kusum would now be recovering – he then said, perhaps persuaded to by Kusum’s son, that she could be shifted anytime. To us, this was insane. She was not fit to be forced to travel by car and plane – two changes of planes – and by car again. But Madhu had the blood rights, and Vijay had obviously agreed to it, and had further agreed to accompany them. I asked that Kusum herself must confirm directly to me that such was her own decision; in this condition, to be moved all the way to Ahmedabad. Madhu agreed that she would speak to me the same evening. I went to her with Anand; Anand had prepared a huge bouquet and we had arranged it together; through the small inner window opening onto her bed we both leaned in and laid the flowers in her arms; she said that it was her decision, that she would return full of health and strength, and that I was coming with her. It was strange. She was herself and yet not herself. She seemed to mean two different levels of meaning at once. She greeted Anand clearly; she took my hands and pressed them deeply and long on her chest, as if to take me in, within, within. They took her the next morning. Later I learnt that Madhu and Akshay had been so worried that I would try to stop them that they had devised two convoys, one as a decoy, in case I would plan to ambush the ambulance on the road with “my friends”. However we were agreed that we would remain in constant phone contact. Kusum was admitted in a clinic in Ahmedabad. She was examined. Vipul, her younger son, had flown from the US to meet them there. The doctors decided she must be operated again, immediately. The surgery took several hours. We had Vijay on the phone, at the end of it, and he said there was only the Grace which could now save her. The surgeons had to leave her abdomen open, and part of the intestines out of it. The next day was her birthday. I had Vipul on the phone, several times: I kept telling him that we must put everything on the side of recovery, that it was her birthday, and that it was possible; and he should give her my message. She picked up. Her birthday passed, and everyone there was astonished. The next day too she kept improving. The day after, it became stationary. And the following day, the kidneys collapsed, and she had to be connected to an artificial system; then other organs began to collapse too. The doctors declared that there was nothing more that could be done. Vipul asked us whether we agreed that she’d taken home – to their house in Ahmedabad – so she may leave in peace and among her people. We agreed, of course. On the 14 th of May she was finally taken away from the clinic and transported to Madhu’s house. They reached the house; Kusum gave two deep breaths, and she was gone.

Her body had to be cremated the next day.

Madhu and Vipul brought her ashes back here. We prepared a silent time of gathering at the temple to Sri Ganesh, and poured half of the ashes in the soil of a new hibiscus shrub.