journal d'une transition

132

*26-10-1977, Auroville: E.B. talked to me about a theft in her house… I never like people talking about thefts and thieves because I sense it is a contagious vibration and there is something in everybody that wants to pass it on, like saying – but not openly of course -: “they have stolen my things, why not yours!?”. It’s frightening how much we can damage and poison and disturb and spoil through mere speech! … We waited in Tindivanam the whole day… I spend a long time with Gl., communicating to each other our experiences at present… There is no need to explain, we understand each other very well, have the same reservations, live the same solitude at the moment and suffer from the negativity in Auroville in the same way… On our way back, we saw Matrimandir emerging from the trees in the far distance… I know clearly that it is only That Force, That presence I want to serve; only That can help, That stands beyond enemies, parties, positions, influences, tendencies, paths. That has no partiality; That alone is CONSCIOUS… I have been feeling all along that we were like aiming below the mark, that Satprem’s movement was a little too limited, that it was no more the Equilibrium that alone can save us and do… And I feel so sorry to be caught in a partial view, almost anguished to be obliged to loose this opportunity to be with That, no matter what happens, in the midst of all influences a free servant of that free Presence, that Consciousness that alone can comfort me and fill me with certitude and gratitude. And I prayed to be freed from other influences, however great and deep their beauty or sweet their attraction; I want to be with That, to serve That, of which Matrimandir is the living symbol… I know that the most difficult, the most terrible contradiction would be that the people here, the inhabitants of Auroville, by their refusal and negativity would render the work impossible… I do not know where to turn, I find myself empty, null and impure, caught in processes I do not believe in… Perhaps what I say now is all weakness and lack of confidence and surrender, I don’t know… But I know this: if this time the work is not to be stopped, it must be organized around the highest Balance, the real Equilibrium – and only Matrimandir comes from That, belongs to That, all the rest is… lower, or limited, or in contradiction: That is whole, one and Conscious. And I want to serve That and only That. *31-10-1977, Auroville: I got another shock! I found that Krishna and tall G. had removed a beautiful tree from near Phil’s house, a tree that Ph. And I had planted together and which was very harmonious with the house, and they have transplanted it near Mir’s house, much too close to another tree and right under the new electrical line! I feel so much in this their destructive attitude; I am amazed and feel lost… what can we do together on earth?