My experience of Satprem

We were all seated on the courtyard stones – some of the Ashramites were at the windows of the upper floors and I recall seeing Pourna, sitting on a small terrace just above Nirodbaran’s room, her long hair undone, imperious… - and I was a few meters only from the Samadhi, to the West, and Maggi was right behind me and I suddenly heard her weep and a little of this anger at this instant rose up and I turned to her to signify that one must not cry, for it would mean believing in this “death” which was an impossibility, even presented this way… It would only be much later that we would better know how – with “love” perhaps, with “devotion” perhaps, but in a profound incomprehension – betrayed Mother had been, right down to the so-called medical treatment She had been forced to endure. A short while after the 20 th of November, probably at the beginning of December, I do not remember exactly, Pranab gave to the Ashram people, gathered one evening at the Playground, an account of what had occurred and of what he had observed, thought and felt during the period that had preceded Mother’s “departure”. I was among the audience that evening – every evening I used to return into town, where I had rented a room in a lodge named after “Ganesh” -, because I wanted to try and understand the viewpoint of those who had physically been in a constant relation with Mother. It is the account of a being who has been deeply disappointed in his expectations – he who had worked and disciplined himself at the service of the physical Transformation meant to occur in the Mother’s body, had then been obliged to acknowledge that it would not manifest and that Mother was going to have to give up on it, that She in fact had in a way “succumbed” to the ordinariness of things. And it thus appeared that, since he had realized this, Mother’s physical presence had become almost like a weight… His report has later been published.

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