Another Choice

And when we choose to free ourselves from what separates, what wants for itself, what covets power over beings and over matter for its own sake, when we offer ourselves to the unity of all that is, the resistances in our personal nature then represent and carry the resistances in humankind and in those forces that use it as their instrument.

Nothing is personal any more.

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It is thus within our own consciousness and experience that we are now confronted with three difficulties: the formidable reserve of subconscience which appears to render interminable if not impossible in our temporal terms any actual and real change in our nature; the resistance of the egoistic forces that operate in and through human nature; and a third difficulty which we feel even more intensely, that of our own knot of light.

***

This knot of light, within each of us who walks the path, results from the unique association, from one life-experience to another, between the passenger, the veritable inhabitant, the growing child – and the core of refusal, the stone of “no”, the condensation of all of our separate formations, which resists the change. It is a fierce resistance, which often disguises under one’s aspiration and one’s feeling of injustice or one’s repeated experience of incomprehension, rejection or condemn, a resistance which may have driven one to suicide, or to the ascetic’s renunciation or to drugs and the desperate self-destructive adventure. It is the nest of one’s personal defeat, of one’s most intimate denial, this invisible baggage one never leaves, one’s own negation of existence and joy – of what they imply as openness and unconditional self-giving to the world.

***

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